Controlling your hormones...

most of the time, the right thing is the hardest to do

2010-11-15T23:06:00.002+08:00

Mood : sad
Music : Another Perfect Day by American Hi-Fi

it's really such an unfortunate truth, isn't it?

we can procrastinate and delay but sooner or later everyone gets tired of running.

the worst part is knowing that either way, i will still hate myself afterwards.

blast from the past

2010-10-22T14:12:00.003+08:00

Mood : frustrated
Music : Next Year by the Foo Fighters

around 10 years ago, i was hooked on this tv series called Ed. this show had a hilarious mixture of sarcasm and also goofiness which kept me tuning in every week. unfortunately most people would not have heard or had the chance to watch this series as its popularity died off quickly after a while and the rest of the show followed suit.

Rena Sofer guest starred in the first season as a smart, career-driven and super hot district attorney. she only made 7 appearances on the show. even then i still had the biggest crush on her.

due to some of my recent misfortunes, i have had a lot of extra time to kill lately which i have to used to re-watch the first season of Ed. suffice to say, it's just like 10 years ago all over again.

Zachary

2010-10-04T23:30:00.003+08:00

Mood : sleepy
Music : Don't Fear the Reaper by Pierce the Veil

joy.

there are very few things which i am absolutely sure of nowadays. one thing i can confidently attest to however, is that my brother's little baby boy has brought the utmost joy to my family.

and joy could not have come at a better time. i believe i speak for every one of my family when i say that we could not be more happy to have the little boy join our family.

Hold on tight

2010-07-26T13:44:00.003+08:00

Mood : bored
Music : Story of My Life by Automatic Loveletter

i remember crashing into a drain when i had just learnt how to ride a bike. i was coming the down the same slope i had passed plenty of times before. for some reason i was a little too distracted this time around to remember to steer away from the huge ditch in front of me.

i think i probably could've steered away in time but panic gripped me and i was powerless to do anything else besides hold my breath in horror as i knew what was about to happened. luckily for me, i escaped with only a few scratches. nothing broken... including my bike which i managed to ride back home.

that feeling i had where i lost control so i just stopped trying to escape it and braced myself for the worst. i get that quite a bit nowadays. when i don't know how some things are gonna work out. i find i have a tendency to take the lazy way out and watch how things pan out.

after all, it's just so damn demoralizing when you try so damn hard and then realize there's nothing you could've done to change it in the first place.

Dreams

2010-06-08T23:15:00.002+08:00

Mood : tired
Music : Homesick at Space Camp by Fall Out Boy

sometimes my limbs move too quickly for my brain to keep up.

i popped open the lid of a small tub of yogurt for breakfast this morning. for some reason my hands were impatient... so it threw the lid away into the bin right next to me. i then proceed to peel back the foil from the yogurt tub when i realize...

where the heck is my spoon?

in the bin... along with the yogurt lid that you just threw away. i quickly look into the bin to try to see if i'm gonna have to eat my yogurt with my fingers. luckily the lid fell on the side of the plastic bag and hadn't fallen in.

oh well... 10 second rule.

______________________________________________________

there are some dreams that we really shouldn't be having. it isn't amusing and there isn't the slightest chance that it won't be messing with my head for the rest of the day when i do wake up.

i hope i won't have another again. at least not in this chapter of my life.

Got dejection?

2010-05-20T12:11:00.003+08:00

Well it hasn’t been the most pleasant week by any means to the point of me finding myself in 2 terribly embarrassing situations. one i have even blogged about in the past. for some reason, it didn’t seem to funny this time around.
i think what bothered me the most is that i didn’t felt like talking about it with anyone… even though history has proven that i’ve always found comfort in doing so.

________________________________________________________

my sporting calendar also seems to be climaxing in the worst possible way. please oh please don’t let me end up 0-2 in the finals.

world cup around the corner?

Too late

2010-04-20T13:20:00.002+08:00

Mood : disappointed
Music : Fireworks by You Me At Six

it really is the saddest thing in the world, when you have to resort to listening to someone's voicemail message to hear the sound of the person's voice.

if you're reading this and you have a loved one, don't let it happen to you.

Painting Flowers

2010-03-24T09:37:00.002+08:00

Strange maze, what is this place?
I hear voices over my shoulder,
Nothing's making sense at all.
Wonder why do we race?
And everyday we're running in circles,
Such a funny way to fall.
Tried to open up my eyes,
I'm hoping for a chance to make it alright.

When I wake up, the dream isn't done.
I wanna see your face,
and know I made it home.
If nothing is true,
What more can I do?
I am still painting flowers for you.

______________________________________________________

i've always heard people say that bad luck comes in threes.

i think somebody lost the count when it came to my turn...

14 songs weren't even close to being enough

2010-03-10T09:34:00.003+08:00

Mood : hopeful
Music : Never Let This Go by Paramore

on sunday, i sat in wait with my cousin for one of the concerts that i've been waiting to watch for the longest time. i had at some point in the past resigned to the fact that i would probably have to fly to the other side of the world to watch them perform so this was as big a treat as you can imagine for me.

when the black backdrop fell revealing the band's name, i could feel the entire Singapore Indoor Stadium errupt with excitement (the crowd even got excited when they saw an orange microphone brought out on stage). i knew this had to be it.

and it was simply amazing. i couldn't have had a better time screaming and jumping along with all of their songs. my friend later told me that he had a feeling i probably was jumping about the entire concert. judging from the amount of sweat that my shirt had soaked up, he was probably right.

here was the set list :

1. Ignorance
2. CrushCrushCrush
3. That's What You Get
4. Looking Up
5. Careful
6. Let the Flames Begin
7. Never Let This Go
8. The Only Exception
9. Pressure
10. For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic
11. Where the Lines Overlap
12. Decode
13. Misery Business
14. Brick by Boring Brick

and for 60 good minutes, there was no other place on earth that i wanted to be.

we're all just a little tired

2010-03-05T09:38:00.003+08:00

Mood : tired (go figure)
Music : The Only Exception by Paramore

working isn't fun. well, for some people it is. for the rest of us folks who have to put up with a daily desk job, maybe not so much. but we put up with it because we have to and because we hope that somewhere along the line it'll all be better.

i know i never used to complain when i was at my previous job but i don't think it's because my current job makes me miserable. i believe that i feel more pressure to perform well now. and if i don't i know a lot of people who will happily let me know of that fact.

maybe my previous job wasn't challenging enough... and i admit there were facets of that job that i really didn't enjoy doing. but it was nice to be able to sit in the office with the knowledge that everyone thought that you're right where you deserved to be.

leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

______________________________________________________

you would not believe your eyes

2010-02-23T09:30:00.002+08:00

Mood : tired
Music : Smile by Uncle Kracker

chinese new year festivities are almost over and thank goodness for that. why would i be happy with that? maybe cause whenever it's that time of the year, family members will try their best to coax you to stuff your face as much as you can. and not forgetting the inconsiderate IDIOTS who blast their fireworks RIGHT ABOVE YOUR HOUSE until 2am in the morning.

i apologize for the crankiness. i haven't have had enough sleep over the last two days.

one of those days were due to said IDIOTS.

______________________________________________________

sometimes we try so hard to figure out what's happening, we miss what's really going on.

Wonder where McD puts your money?

2010-02-11T13:47:00.005+08:00

besides the game itself, the superbowl is also famous for it's commercials shown during the game. among the many commercials was a remake of an almost similar McD commercial shown during the 1993 superbowl.

2010 : Lebron James v Dwight Howard

1992 : Michael Jordan v Larry Bird

both equally entertaining. it makes me wondered how much it cost McD to shoot the both of them...

________________________________________________________

everyone needs that little something to get them through life. why oh why do i feel like i'm losing mine.

in the right direction

2010-02-01T15:25:00.002+08:00

Mood : sleepy
Music : Fed to Death by Say Anything

eventhough it doesn't always seem that way. i believe most of us are heading in the right direction. i've never found short lived thrills worth it.

i can't believe january is over already and it's gonna be chinese new year before i know it. CNY isn't gonna be the same this year. in fact i already know that it's probably gonna suck.

no matter... this year will be better for me.

2010 Outlook

2010-01-13T13:45:00.005+08:00

Mood : sleepy
Music : Have Faith In Me by A Day to Remember

the following graph depicts my job satisfaction over time. vertical axis representing job satisfaction and horizontal axis representing time.

the year is looking like it's gonna be busy busy busy

so cling to what you know
and never let go

Starting it off with a bang

2010-01-05T23:45:00.002+08:00

Mood : tired
Music : Kings and Queens by 30 Seconds to Mars

i think everyone prefers to start off their new year with something spectacular. make a memory that'll last.

but UNFORTUNATELY for me i managed it...

i was just stepping out of the toilet when my foot hit a wet spot and the next thing i knew i was looking upwards at the ceiling and flailing my hands like crazy. but to no avail... my feet flew out from beneath me and i landed flat on my back.

FORTUNATELY for me however was that all i hurt was my elbows which took most of the impact from the fall. it's so scary that i could've so easily hit my head of hurt my back.

i can't remember ever having anything like that happen to me before. guess i can scratch that off my bucket list now.

we are the kings and queens of promise

100 Suns

2009-12-31T12:00:00.002+08:00

I believe in nothing
Not the end and not the start
I believe in nothing
Not the earth and not the stars

I believe in nothing
Not the day or not the dark
I believe in nothing
But the beating of our hearts

I believe in nothing
100 suns until we part
I believe in nothing
Not in sin and not in God

I believe in nothing
Not in peace and not in war
I believe in nothing
But the truth in who we are

______________________________________________________

i'm glad the year is ending with promise of a brighter future for me.

but i'm sure by now we're all aware how easily promises can be broken.

happy new year everyone. i sincerely hope that you've managed to do everything that you've set out for yourself at the start of 2009.

otherwise, no worries, we all can have another go at it again.

Almost time

2009-12-21T09:24:00.002+08:00

Mood : sleepy
Music : Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas by Colbie Caillat

i've been finding it harder and harder to find time to blog nowadays. number of posts have dwindled from twice a week to nearly twice a month.

i certainly hope it's because i've been super busy... and not because i'm running out of interesting things to say. i guess it's also possible i'm tired after already doing so much writing at work everyday.

are my blogging days just about numbered? time will tell.

________________________________________________________

oh yeah... and if i don't manage to blog again till the 25th, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

don't forget to go home and give someone a smile (at the very least)

Muffin Boy

2009-12-07T11:59:00.003+08:00

Mood : happy
Music : White Christmas by Katy Perry

my brother just found out that his wife is expecting a baby boy. i think good news couldn't have come at a better time for my family.

then again... when is there ever a bad time for good news. it's nearing christmas and i can just about to her the bells start to jingle.

let the jolly times roll

i'm on both sides of the fence...

All I Wanted

2009-12-03T10:36:00.000+08:00

I could follow you to the beginning
Just to relive the start
Maybe then we'd remember to slow down
At all of our favorite parts

little boy

2009-11-23T14:05:00.005+08:00

Mood : chilly
Music : Fireflies by Owl City

starting my 2nd week in the new company today. i can't seem to shake th feeling of being the smallest kid around.

i bumped into the office secretary last week as i was coming back from the loo and she gave me this very maternal smile and said to me, 'where's your ID tag ar?'.

i hurriedly tapped my pants pocket to show that i had it with me and she responded by giving me another smile and walking away.

somehow in that moment i felt like i was once again that little kid who was caught wandering mischievously around the corridors without permission.

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i don't think anyone in that arena cared that the shot came after the buzzer. nothing but net? that's just AWESOME!

Step Up

2009-11-17T22:27:00.003+08:00

Mood : tired
Music : Big Time Sensuality by the Starting Line

just completed day 2 of orientation at the new company. the real work starts tomorrow. i can't say that i've been thoroughly pleased with everything at the new place, but i guess i'll just need a little time to adjust... if adjusting is really the problem.

so many things are gonna be happening over the next week or so. i'm trying my best to prepare for it but somehow it just doesn't seem good enough. not by my standards anyway.

fortunately i'm still very much looking forward to it. as always... i just know that it'll be a blast

i don't have a problem
and i don't have time to solve one

______________________________________________________

it's not possible for someone to treat you with such love and not feel immensely lucky and joyous at the same time.

i'm so lucky

Sunny Days

2009-11-12T09:52:00.008+08:00

Mood : relieved
Music : Sesame Street Theme Song

happy 40th anniversary Sesame Street! it was a hit when i was just a kid and it's still going strong! here's hoping that their sunny days never ever turn cloudy!

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i've been so busy it hasn't been the slightest bit funny at all. it's almost time to go now. i can feel the excitement building...

no one is as lucky as us

It's okay boss!

2009-10-27T15:35:00.007+08:00

Mood : bored
Music : Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore

i had to fire my 'car-wash-guy' yesterday. there's this guy who goes around with his bicycle around the car park where i work offering his car washing services to anyone who'd want it. maybe 'fire' is the wrong word to use. my new job is bringing me to a new place so obviously i can't use his services anymore.

the way he managed to convince me to take him on in the first place is a story on its own. he came up to me around half a year ago asking if he could wash my car for me and begged me to let him since he wasn't getting much business.

i initally said i'll think about (fully intending to say no eventually) and the very same day when i come back to my car, i found it washed. and then two days later he did it again... and then again. by the third time i felt so bad for the fella i paid him and he's been washing my car ever since.

not too shabby selling skills by your friendly neighbourhood car wash man

go get your shovel
and we'll dig a deep hole
to bury the castle, bury the castle...

_____________________________________________________

are you ready? it's almost here again

Putting in my bid!

2009-10-20T10:59:00.003+08:00

Mood : excited!
Music : I'm Made of Wax Larry, What are you Made of? by A Day to Remember

i've done it! i was so apprehensive and unsure about it but i've done it anyway!

now all i've gotta do is cross my fingers and wait. it would help if i could be awake during the wee hours of sunday morning... but i doubt if i can (or remember for that matter).

and so the planning continues...

_____________________________________________________

man oh man... that's posterizing

sign, sealed and almost delivered

2009-10-16T23:05:00.005+08:00

Mood : excited
Music : Poppin' Champagne by All Time Low

oh yes... i'm 2 for 2. i said i could do it and so i did.

pretty psyched over what's gonna happen in the coming weeks. this is definitely something that i need.

Deepavali vartugal everybody!

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i've never been a big fan of ice hockey but this goal is absolutely dynamite. not to mention that it was a 9 year old who scored it.

your heart goes out to the goalie though.

Happy

2009-10-13T14:04:00.002+08:00

Mood : hopeful
Music : Turn it Off by Paramore

happiness is a state of mind.

regardless of how bad things are going, as long as you think you're happy, you'll most likely have a smile on your face.

keeping other people happy however is never as simple. knowing what makes a person happy and knowing how to keep someone happy to two entirely different things.

i want to be happy.

i will be happy.

When it Rains

2009-10-02T17:22:00.003+08:00

Mood : hopeful
Music : Where the Lines Overlap by Paramore

i remember stepping out of Sainsbury. i was just about to unwrap my little snack that i allowed myself to 'splurge' on while i was walking back home (i was really poor when i was living in the UK) when suddenly a few drops of rain started falling from the sky.

you'd normally think that you'd hate it when it starts raining while you're walking home, but not for me. not today. i popped my ipod's earphones back into my ears and pulled my hoodie over my head and stepped out into the rain.

there's something so calming about feeling light raindrops fall on your head. it's never the same here back home in Malaysia

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Paramore performed an acoustic set for MTV few days ago and i couldn't find time to blog about it. i have to say they sound damn good. click on the image to watch the whole set. i've found myself listening to it almost every day now.

i've got a feeling if i sang this loud enough
you would sing it back to me

therapy

2009-09-18T15:42:00.003+08:00

My ship went down, in a sea of sound
When I woke up alone I had everything
A handful of moments, I wished I could change
And a tongue like a nightmare, that cut like a blade
In a city of fools, I was careful and cool
But they tore me apart, like a hurricane
A handful of moments, I wished I could change
But I was carried away

Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy, you were never a friend to me
And you can keep all your misery...

___________________________________________________

it's hard to look on the bright side of life when there's so many clouds overhead

Some make history, some get nasty

2009-09-14T22:49:00.013+08:00

Mood : tired
Music : Everything Must Go by Taking Back Sunday

a few days ago, a certain Michael Jordan was inducted into the NBA's Hall of Fame. ever since the announcement was made that it was Michael's turn to join the list of legendary basketball players, NBA.com has been spitting out video after video of his illustrious career.

i wish i had been there.

i wish i was old enough to have been a fan during the Jordan era. to be able to fully appreciate his contributions to the game. to be able to look out for the next Bulls highlight reel. to dream of making my way to the United Center to watch a Bulls game for myself.

thank goodness for digital video, or i would've never had the chance to see him at his very best. thanks for everything Michael!

'Don't be in a rush to find the next Michael Jordan. There's not going to be another Michael Jordan'

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and there are those who are just embarrassing. over the weekend Serena Williams managed to find something else she's good at

and Kanye West managed to embarrass himself at another award show. his stupidity makes me wanna sympathize for him. but i won't.

Big Break

2009-09-09T23:59:00.002+08:00

Mood : hopeful
Music : Break Your Little Heart by All Time Low

i've finally scored myself an interview on my own terms. i've always been telling myself that if i'm ever able to set foot into an interview, i'd be able to seal the deal.

no better time like the present to live up to my own billing.

otherwise, i can rest assured that it's not near to being over...

________________________________________________________

happy 09-09-09 everyone. though i'm 23 hours and 59 minutes late!

like an apple hanging from a tree

2009-09-03T14:23:00.003+08:00

Mood : indifferent
Music : Thinking of You by Katy Perry

i'm supposed to be doing my work right now but i'm a little too perplexed at some other stuff which i prefer not to mention here.

sometimes when i think i have everything figured out and i know what i want and where i'm heading, i get smacked right in the face by the sudden epiphany that i don't actually have a clue.

if it wasn't for the fact that i'm still very young, i'd actually be pretty worried right now.

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i absolutely fell in love with this video. you can't go wrong with someone who plays the guitar like that and has such an amazing voice to match.

Happy Birthday Ah Kong!

2009-08-29T10:08:00.001+08:00

i hope you're having a blast with Ah Mah! just wanted you to know that we miss you terribly.

it's almost that time

2009-08-25T11:27:00.005+08:00

It's hard to wake up, when the shades have been pulled shut
This house is haunted, it's so pathetic, it makes no sense at all
I'm ripe with things to say, the words rot and fall away
My stupid poem could fix this home, I'd read it every day

Their anger hurts my ears, been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems, they never solve them,
it makes no sense at all
I see them everyday, we get along so why can't they?
If this is what he wants, and it's what she wants,
then why is there so much pain?

why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?

_____________________________________________________

heard this supposed patriotic merdeka message from Malaysian artist Caprice on the radio today. he ended of his message saying 'remember, we're all Malaysian'.

the douche should try to remember that himself seeing that he spoke with an American accent.

Pushing and Pulling

2009-08-21T17:04:00.002+08:00

Mood : confused
Music : I Caught Myself by Paramore

it's not always easy to break up a fight. and it's most of the time messy too.

having someone moderate a fight isn't a sure way of helping it end peacefully either. sometimes you just have to let it all out and give your opponent something to think about. sometimes it's physical, sometimes it's just your spoken words doing the damage.

isn't fighting just the most tiring thing to do? every single form of it. and for very good reason too. if everyone didn't get tired of it at some point, we'd be a group of very very unhappy beings.

here's hoping this weekend will be better than the last.

You got it you got it
Some kind of magic
Hypnotic hypnotic
You're leaving me breathless

let's dance

2009-08-15T03:38:00.003+08:00

Mood : upside down

tonight is proof that we never really know how the day is going to end.

i had planned out today so carefully. well yesterday to be exact... and a night meant to be filled with smiles and hugs has suddenly evaporated. and suddenly i'm now back in my room hardly catching a wink of sleep.

if this keeps up any longer... i'm pretty sure there's going to be some actual permanent damage.

blank stares and blank pages
no easy way to say this

abandon ship

2009-08-13T10:02:00.004+08:00

Mood : bored
Music : The Tides Raises Every Ship by Silverstein

woman and children first! everybody run!

what do you do when you see everyone start running for the door? you join 'em right? i'm kinda sad to see where this is all going but sometimes we just have to accept facts.

especially when you happen to have colleagues who are too dumb to realize it (no i'm not referring to my Indonesian colleague). the way she has been able to manipulate the people around her into believing that she is worth something is impressively annoying.

i shouldn't have to put up with it for much longer.

_____________________________________________________

this week has been full of talk about the same thing. but from extremely different perspectives.

fingers crossed. we'll see what happens...

i won't let you fall away from me
you will never fade away...

all at once

2009-08-06T22:35:00.002+08:00

Mood : resigned
Music : It Ends Tonight by the All-American Rejects

once again impeccably lousy timing has come in the way of what could've been a really interesting turn for me.

even when everything seems to be going your way and you start to see the greener pastures, the slightest bump in the road can throw you totally off course. it's that little piece of cheese that was dangling in front of you a moment ago that's now gone.

in hindsight, this might've saved me a lot of trouble too. the kinda trouble that you would take back if you had a time machine. but that's just me thinking negatively.

things could've gotten much much more interesting for me. so close yet so far.

i can't explain myself at all...

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office dental hygiene

2009-08-02T00:53:00.001+08:00

Mood : hopeful
Music : Beautiful by Eminem

i have this new colleague who is this chinese indonesian lady in her mid 30s. i keep getting this feeling that she's an empty shell. her little after work ritual doesn't help...

every day after 5.30pm (which is when office hours officially ends), she gets out her toothbrush and goes to brush her teeth in the toilet. now, what is THAT all about? she can't possibly be trying to reduce her home water bill, can she?

i wouldn't be so bothered by it except the office will suddenly reek of her toothpaste every time she does it.

sigh...

Hello, it's me, I'm not at home
If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone

every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

2009-07-21T13:26:00.002+08:00

Mood : hopeful
Music : Let This Go by Paramore

everyone deserves to be happy. at least a little... i think that's really not too much to ask of life.

unfortunately, doing what makes you happy doesn't always mean you will end up pleasing everyone. even the ones closest to you may end up even hurt by your actions. maybe we shouldn't be too harsh especially if those actions were never meant to be hurtful in the first place.

change is hard, and most of the time people tend to reject change. especially if that change is forced upon you. if it's not broke don't fix it right?

the next few months will definitely be full of changes. thank goodness we're all still young and also not as dependent as we used to be.

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this is so awesome i just had to post it here! don't you just love it when you hear the dude say 'whoa!' at the start of the clip?

my creaking chair

2009-07-15T14:48:00.002+08:00

Mood : hopeful
Music : So Long, Goodbye by Sum 41

my lousy office chair drives me crazy. it creaks everytime i make the slightest movement which i'm sure doesn't please my colleagues who sit around me. so to prevent pissing off the entire office, i try to keep as still as i can. which you can imagine isn't the slightest bit comfortable.

where's a can of WD-40 when you need one.

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i received a call from the vet yesterday. i could feel a shiver run through me the moment she told me who she was. i was so worried that she was about the deliver the worst news i could imagine. fortunately it wasn't anything that serious.

hang in there little Meesha.

little butterfly

2009-07-06T15:46:00.006+08:00

Mood : resigned
Music : Hey Now by Augustana

i think i've been holding on too tightly. this isn't some sudden epiphany that hit me out of nowhere. i've actually been thinking about this for quite a while now. and i think i've reached a point where there's nothing left to do but shrug your shoulders and loosen your grip.

who am i kidding? i'm just not that guy yet. and everyone knows that change is no easy thing. i definitely will try my best to keep it together but unfortunately i know myself better than that and i don't see how i'll be able to cope. whatever will be, will be.

i know some people may not believe this. but i actually hate repeating arguments.

if this is a test
i'm wasting my breath

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one single mishit decided over four hours of awesome tennis, and also created a new record for a deserving individual. it was really sad that there had to be a loser.

i guess once a champ, always a champ. congratulations to Roger Federer, winner of his 15th tennis grand slam title.

Dear baby...

2009-06-29T14:59:00.002+08:00

Dear Baby,
I've got a letter I would like to send
It's lacking strings of words with punctuation at the end
Should I trust this dialect?
To convey the right effect?

Dear Baby,
I've got some things I'd like to set in pen
I would have used a pencil but lead's just not permanent.
Should I trust my printer's ink?
To express the things I think?

Every page I tried my best to think of something to contest
With inside jokes and all the folks could have much more to say

Give you all I can
Flower and a hand
I hope this helps you see
Signed Sincerely me...

Roll OUT! Part II

2009-06-25T13:59:00.006+08:00

Mood : excited
Music : The Truth About Heaven by Armor for Sleep

it was almost two whole years ago that me and my friends excitedly watched the first installment of Transformers. we had the entire cinema to ourselves (maybe people in Sheffield aren't big on movies?) and it was our first time watching a movie so far away from home.

this time around the cinema will probably be crowded and the cinema is pretty close to home. still... it is gonna be awesome! i can't wait for tomorrow!

_____________________________________________________

i don't think anybody enjoys being the puppet that dangles from the hands of other people. i'm not gonna allow myself to be in that position.

some of us don't really mind if we fall down at first in the process.

snip snip...

Secrets don't make friends

2009-06-19T10:45:00.003+08:00

Mood : annoyed

cleared out the last few bits of junk out of my mac last night, or should i say, my former mac. okay, it did belong to my employer but i still kept it with me practically the entire time i was working for him.

it amazed me how even removing files from a laptop could be nostalgic. but in my defense, i had to go through every single thing i worked on since i began my working life over a year and a half ago. that's a lot of shit.

i tried my best to remove everything personal that i inadvertently left on my laptop (i try my best to keep my personal and work stuff separate) so i hope the mac's new owner isn't gonna suddenly stumble upon something that he could blackmail me with.

bygones... now i'll have to use a mac that was used by a colleague for an annoyingly short period of time. company tradition my ass.

______________________________________________________

they really don't, and they don't keep friends either. and unfortunately i sometimes think that by the time this epiphany strikes, it will be a little too late to pick up the pieces.

time will tell.

the simple truth

2009-06-16T14:47:00.002+08:00

Mood : frustrated
Music : What Goes Around... by Alesana

you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

we've heard these words muttered time and time again. everybody knows it but tries not to think about it if they can.

it's often when the lonely fool sits by him or herself do they realize the mistakes they made... often also a little too late.

it's human nature to take things for granted. we believe that it's our right to have things our way and have our little happy ending. unfortunately, life isn't as generous as we hope it to be.

fools we may be but it comforts me to know that no matter how bad it looks, we're never really all alone.

'is this the way it's really going down?'

_____________________________________________________

i hate doing two jobs at the same time. if i don't get some reinforcements soon, I AM OUT OF HERE!

101 ways to crash your car : sunshades

2009-06-05T13:47:00.005+08:00

Mood : bored
Music : Breakdown by Forever the Sickest Kids

there's this stretch of road that i have to pass to drive to work everyday. and since the earth rotates at a similar pace every single day, i get blasted by bright sunshine from my right side. on some days it's so hot i swear i can actually feel the sunburn developing.

not having those kinda funky sunshades which sticks to the window (my mom never leaves home without her's) i resort to using that little visor thingy in your car that sometimes has a little mirror. anyways, most of the time the little thingy is just too small or short to cover the right places and block the sunlight.

so today i had a little epiphany. i took out my sunshade which i normally use to cover my dashboard when i leave my car in the sun. it's one of those types which have a metalic frame which you can fold and store away.

my brilliant idea was to sandwich the shade between my window n that little visor which worked fine at first. the shade was big enough in its folded form to cover enough of my side window. i was pretty impressed with myself for being able to set it up while driving along... until the shade popped open.

the shade must've slipped out of the visor and unfolded as soon as it was free. i must've looked really comical trying to get the shade under control. i think i ended up driving around 5 kilometers with only one hand on the wheel and the other pressing down on the shade so that it won't block my view.

good times...

_____________________________________________________

i could feel my little hairs all stand when the sith's red lightsabres all ignited inside the crashed transport. awesome!

6 months later

2009-05-30T02:27:00.003+08:00

and it couldn't get any better.

i can hardly wait to see where else this takes me.

And if I have to jump then I'll jump
and I wont look down
you can cry, you can fight, we can scream and shout
I'll push and pull until your walls come down
and you understand I'm gonna be around
I'm sticking with you

the big 200K

2009-05-21T13:29:00.006+08:00

Mood : annoyed
Music : She's a Lady by Forever the Sickest Kids

no i didn't win 200,000 bucks. i wish i did... it'd really help with all the maintenance my car needs.

instead, i'm proud to announce that my 17 year old car has reached the 200,000 KM milestone! i'm sure it wasn't easy getting there (my car will definitely agree) but we made it and now i'm pretty sure it would like to be put to rest and not have to endure another 200,000 KM.

maybe if my finances allow it, i may get it the nose job that it sorta been needing.

today has been a pretty good day so far, i'm not so sure about tomorrow.

_____________________________________________________

another season, another trophy in the bag. next in line...
number 19. but not before we kick barcelona's ass on the 27th of May

all good things

2009-05-18T13:59:00.006+08:00

Mood : hopeful
Music : About a Girl by The Academy is...

it's always good when you find out that there are still things you have yet to learn about yourself. it sorta keeps things interesting for yourself.

the last few days have been much brighter. a little too bright at times in fact. fortunately not a sunburn in sight. i just wish that i had tried a little harder to savour each moment i had. because i honestly don't know when it'll come around again.

the easy part's done. bracing myself for the next.

_____________________________________________________

These lines, so well rehearsed
Tongue tied and over-loaded

like an inflamed rash

2009-05-11T23:45:00.000+08:00

Mood : blue
Music : This Could Be Our Day by Addison Road

i haven't felt the slightest bit cheery the whole day. in fact, i've been feeling this way since last night.

don't you just hate it when you're not feeling the way you should? i should be simply buzzing with excitement. but today it's been one of those days that couldn't be over soon enough.

part of me keeps getting this feeling like something bad is about to happen... and i'm starting to feel more and more sure about it by the second.

what's even worse is that her voice wasn't even comforting tonight.

______________________________________________________

What we do here is just the beginning
New life is starting at every ending
We are a part of the story unfolding
This is the weight of the world we are holding
this could be our day

Swatting a hawk

2009-05-08T15:41:00.004+08:00

Mood : excited
Music : Bada Bing Wit' a Pipe by Four Year Strong

it's conference semis time in the NBA playoffs. i absolutely LOVE this time of the season coz the weak teams are no longer playing. it's a month and a half of pure basketball finesse brought to you by your high flying NBA stars.

the NBA also recently crowned their regular season MVP, a certain Lebron James. if you don't know who he is you've probably never watched an NBA match before in your life.

here's a highlight reel from the match he played this morning against Atlanta. the game was so one sided that Mr James sat out the entire fourth quarter. i can't decide which is sicker, his 40-footer or his reverse dunk?

WIN OR GO HOME!

_____________________________________________________

just a little less than a week left to go!

fingers crossed....

present in the past

2009-05-04T21:15:00.004+08:00

Mood : nostalgic
Music : Catastrophe by Four Year Strong

i could feel the memories and the emotions with each click on the mouse. every single picture i recognized brought back such bittersweet feelings.

for a moment i felt awkward and strange sitting where i was. as though i didn't belong there. that surreal feeling you get when you realize you might be in a dream and you might wake up at any moment. but of course you're never sure.

i suddenly remembered how i felt in those pictures. the optimistic hopefulness, the agonizing uncertainty... i even felt a little embarrassed when i think about the things that happened and COULD'VE happened at the time.

i sneaked a glance at her and watched her for a while as the next picture appeared... and then the next and the next. if i could speak to the guy in the pictures, i'd probably tell him not to sweat it.

please don't wake me up.

Roll with the punches
Because you know that it’s inevitable
Soon to be unforgettable, yet, totally unpredictable

Strands of hope

2009-04-28T09:54:00.007+08:00

Mood : could be better
Music : You'll Be a Corpse Before Your Time by the Sleeping

i had just parked my car outside my house. as i grabbed my bag from the front passenger seat, i noticed a strand of long hair stuck between the cushions which made me crack a smile.

as i picked up my phone i remembered the events that transpired a few weeks back. i can admit that i have had things backfire at me before but never did i think something like this could. i figure that's why people shy away to prevent themselves from being set up for disappointment.

i had a feeling that she'd probably be a little busy entertaining a friend anyway. i slid my phone shut and stepped out of the car.

i wasn't smiling anymore.

It doesn't stop

2009-04-24T16:38:00.003+08:00

Mood : pensive
Music : Crack the Shutters by Snow Patrol

i was at the post office the other day to renew my driver's license when i saw an elderly couple walk away from from the counters. they couldn't have been any younger than 70.

the old woman sat down for a while as her husband (i assume) counted the money in his hands. after he finished, he simply moved his hand to gesture at his wife and the both of them were out the door.

all of sudden i starting missing both my grandparents tremendously. as hard as i tried, i wasn't able to recollect the last time i saw the both of them together happy and healthy. how i wish i can sit with them once again as they had their daily round of Chinese Checkers.

maybe i will someday. i'm sure they have Chinese Checkers too in the after-life.

______________________________________________________

Crack the shutters open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day

if it means a lot to you

2009-04-20T00:04:00.002+08:00

And hey darling,
I hope you're good tonight
And I know you don't feel right when I'm leaving
Yeah, I want it but no, I don't need it
Tell me something sweet to get me by,
'Cause I can't come back home till they're singing

If you can wait till I get home,
Then I swear to you that we can make this last
If you can wait till I get home,
Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past
Well it might be for the best...

_______________________________________________________

sometimes the simplest things can prove to be the most satisfying.

i've found out that unwinding with you at the end of the day is one of those things.

Dark lights

2009-04-13T12:31:00.005+08:00

Mood : apprehensive
Music : The Downfall of Us All by A Day to Remember

the last time i was using this laptop. i felt very different. the anger and betrayal i felt made me so sick and tired of everything. i tried telling myself to cut my losses... move on.

however, it is evident how humans possess an inability to let go of things so easily. i could probably will myself if i really wanted to. but i guess what that's just the problem. i don't really want to.

as hard as you try, you'll never be able to make other people see things your way, feel what you feel or think how you think. i wouldn't go so far as to say that it isn't even worth trying, but sometimes we just have to accept that some people are just never gonna be able to be what you hope.

of course compromise is important. but i believe there are always some principles that you need to keep, even if it causes you a little misery in the process. nobody is ever gonna pay attention to you if you don't make yourself heard.

i'm not gonna be contented to be 2nd to anyone anymore. if that doesn't change then i won't have to bother with all of this anymore.

no more...

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth

Thanks for the memories

2009-04-09T23:58:00.008+08:00

there is nothing poetic or beautiful in death. i had the deluded idea that the timing of one's death could actually be significant. what rubbish.

i'm happy that you're probably with Ah Mah now wherever you are. i hope you know that we'll be fine and we're gonna miss you sorely.

goodbye grandpa.

________________________________________________________

trust is such a valuable but fragile thing. why do some people go and throw it all away for nothing?

this is how my heart breaks...

watch the blue roses fall from your hand
remember summer when we all had second chances

You're such a beautiful sound

2009-04-07T10:24:00.004+08:00

Mood : trashed
Music : You Found Me by The Fray

our head makes us dream the darnest things. does it make any sense to be feeling guilty over a dream you had?

after all, i'm pretty sure humans have not yet developed the ability to choose their dreams. wouldn't that just be a ball of fun.

there have been plenty of times where i've woken up not remembering what i dreamt during the night. why couldn't this have been one of those times.

i guess i shouldn't have gone to sleep feeling how i did last night.

It's hard to believe a liar
When she's calling out your name
The signals are calling out so well

______________________________________________________

i can't believe it's already been a year since she left. and now we're all going through it all over again.

i just wanna wake up.

Taking 5

2009-04-01T14:50:00.006+08:00

Mood : sweaty
Music : Island in the Sun by Weezer

i've been working for around a year and a half now. hardly a long time, if you think about the remaining number of years that i will probably spend running the rat race. this would be a sad fact, but thankfully the rest of the world is in a similar position.

the weeks started to be more n more repetitive after the first 6 months of work. i think most working adults now share my 'live for the weekend' philosophy. do we even have to wonder why some people feel as though their life is meaningless?

some of my friends have become so busy with their work that they have opted to not bother with having their own personal life beyond work. work till late on weekdays and stay home on weekends to keep the 'progress' going. do we work to live or live to work?

i'm definitely choosing the former. though my obvious flaws (laziness?) will never allow me to become a workaholic or the workhorse that some of my friends are, i think i'm gonna be quite content to carry on living for the weekend.

if you enjoyed the weekends as much as i do, you'd understand. don't forget to take a breather people.

the collapse of the human heart

2009-03-26T13:58:00.004+08:00

i could actually hear the tears before i heard her words. but both were equally as heart-breaking.

there is only so much a person can take. nevermind that some of us are more vulnerable than others. abuse is generally something that most of us try to avoid whenever we can.

hearing the cries of pain from my baby sister didn't help my faith in human relationships. i have kept to a simple belief that everyone needs someone. it's been proven time and time again. no man is an island right? why do you think solitary confinement is a form of punishment?

but after everything that i thought i knew about relationships, the only thing i could think of last nite was how the person who you believe is closest to you, who you think of constantly throughout the day, who have at times treated you as though you're the most precious thing to exist in this world, could suddenly turn around and crush you to pieces.

am i worried for myself? maybe i should be. there isn't any point in talking about it since it's all only words at the end of the day. unfortunately, we will never know for sure until it's probably too late.

i am not the most confident person or the best at feeling secure at my relationships, but i refuse to allow fear to run my life. don't get me wrong, i will do all i can to prevent such misfortune from ever happening to me. but that doesn't mean i run and hide.

i think this is what they mean when people say that we are all victims of our own design.

______________________________________________________

on a perfect day
somewhat like today
we will find each other there
we will find each other there

and somewhat like the month we first met
we can't forget the way i loved you
but i can't pretend how far we've gone
and we can not mend what damage has been done
no, we can not mend what damage is done now

but then we shall come home and
become the best ones we could have been
oh the best we could have been
oh the best we could have been, now

Gems in the sand

2009-03-23T22:04:00.003+08:00

Mood : overjoyed
Music : Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional

never have i ever felt such joy and sadness at the exact same time.

as soon as i had opened the lid, i was already at disbelief at what was inside. as i picked up the individual envelopes, i thought to myself. i had only asked for one.

the cherry had to be the black object at the bottom. i could already see from the side what it was and immediately i felt my face start to burn.

sitting there grasping it with both my hands, i was suddenly aware that i was hesitant to flip it open. not because i wasn't absolutely elated that someone actually had this made for me, but because i knew i'd be the wreck by the time i get to the end of it.

and a wreck i was. it's a wonder how good it feels when you realize that someone thinks you are worth the effort. in that moment, i had no doubt that this is something that i'll never allow to part with me. no matter what happens.

thank you my dear. you have given me something that i could never put into words.

best. birthday. ever.

Biting down

2009-03-16T16:17:00.002+08:00

Mood : tensed
Music : Burn This City by Cartel

excessive planning doesn't always ensure a successful outcome.

my weeks of planning did not materialized the way i had hoped this past weekend. it wasn't all bad though. it's always more fun to have things happen the way you hope.

i'll keep in mind to avoid certain things that almost definitely can spell trouble. shall i begin planning for my next attempt?

______________________________________________________

i can't believe how easily i let it get to me. i know i shouldn't be affected and that i can be bigger than this. somehow i still feel irked enough to wanna bang my fists against the wall.

this had better stop soon or i'm afraid i may not be able to hold on for much longer.

breathe... breathing helps.

Cause our days were numbered by nights
on too many rooftops
They said we're wasting our lives
at least we know, that if we die
we lived with passion
They said we'd burn so bright

How far will you go?

2009-03-12T16:28:00.002+08:00

Mood : unusual
Music : Silhouettes by Rookie of the Year

we do what we can.

we try what we can.

we hope when we can.

we persevere if we can.

we hold on if we can.

if all else fails, there's always the back door.

______________________________________________________

speak to me...

She needs sleep

2009-03-07T00:19:00.003+08:00

Mood : hopeful
Music : The Gift by Seether

my sister is sleep deprived. i help her out by making sure her day isn't dull. unfortunately she doesn't always appreciate how i do it. she knows i mean well though... at least i hope she does.

my granddad has been in the hospital for more than two weeks now. we tried bringing him home a week ago and had to almost immediately send him right back to the hospital coz he was feeling so weak. i sometimes think he wants to give up... i can't blame him. i'm sure he misses my grandma.

i had my own little hospital experience lately too. going under general anesthetic isn't as fun as i'd thought it would be. the worst part of it is that my lousy insurance company refuses to cover the cost. is it just me or do doctors just charge whatever they feel like nowadays?

the weekend begins now...

_______________________________________________________

it does pay to be discreet sometimes

Picture-less

2009-03-02T13:28:00.003+08:00

Was it a blue dress that you wore on new year's eve?

i was wrong. it wasn't a blue dress.

it wasn't often she wore dresses out with me. the very fact that she did already had me grinning from ear to ear like an idiot. as hard as i tried to wipe that stupid smile off my face, it just didn't seem to want to go away. she still stepped into the car with me afterwards... which meant i didn't scare her off. yet.

she wasn't feeling her best that day but that still didn't stop her from braving the congested highways and the crowd that we were about to face. i didn't tell her that i appreciated it. i probably should've... but i've a feeling she could've guessed. how different an evening it would've been if she decided to take a rain check.

as the sky lit up with colours at the end of the night, i remember her leaning against me as i held her from behind. she turned around and gave me a quick peck on the lips before turning back. we were surrounded by hundreds of people and the atmosphere was pretty rowdy. still... till that moment, i had never felt so close to her ever before.

i couldn't have asked for the day to go any different. i wouldn't change a thing. one little regret i have is that we didn't take a single picture together that night. we were dressed up and she looked absolutely gorgeous and still it didn't strike me to do so. there's always next year i guess.

and by the way, the dress she wore that night was black and white.

This shit is bananas

2009-02-25T10:26:00.004+08:00

Mood : sneezy
Music : Hollaback Girl by Kate Nash

i found this hilariously entertaining clip of Kate Nash doing a cover of Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl. yep... i can imagine the dudes lining up already.

______________________________________________________

as long as you stay right here with me, i'll never have a reason to worry.

Nobody said it was easy

2009-02-23T09:46:00.003+08:00

Mood : tired
Music : Thinking of You by Katy Perry

why do we fight?

i've always been a firm believer that we are more likely to have a spat with people who are closest to us rather than the schmuck walking down the street. after all, ending disagreements with strangers never requires a lot of effort. the middle finger always works.

unfortunately, being humans, disagreements and arguments are inevitable. until mind-control becomes common practice, there will be bickering and unhappy faces between loved ones.

it's always easy to throw in the towel. i'll be the first to admit that over the years i have lost faith in the endeavour to 'make things work'. working differences out is never easy and it almost always involves some form of self-sacrifice. i'm not selfish. i just didn't think some people were worth the trouble.

but working things out is probably one of the more important facets of relationships. never easy, never fun but supposedly beneficial in the long run. i think i've found my reason to try harder.

why do we fight? maybe coz the making up is just so much fun.

it seems we have no control whatsoever over our own heart
- Meredith Grey

Valentine Day Madness

2009-02-18T11:04:00.006+08:00

Mood : tired
Music : When It Rains by Paramore

plenty of things happened over the weekend...

Lance Armstrong blasted a reporter...

United thumped Derby in the 4th round of the English FA Cup...

and the West beat the East in the NBA All-Star game...

i had a pretty eventful valentine's day too for once. let's hope it keeps getting better.

______________________________________________________

i just hate it when the weekend ends...

No one can find the rewind button now

2009-02-12T13:17:00.002+08:00

Mood : worried
Music : Breathe by Anna Nalick

i remember being pretty hooked to this song around 3 years ago. never saw this live acoustic performance before though.

there's something totally mesmerizing and sexy about the way she sings in this video. maybe it's just me...

______________________________________________________

maybe it really never is gonna be enough?

Big Time Sensuality

2009-02-10T17:20:00.002+08:00

I can sense it
Something important
Is about to happen
It's coming up

It takes courage to enjoy it
The hardcore and the gentle
Big time sensuality

I don't know my future after this weekend
And I don't want to...

______________________________________________________

it probably is unreasonable to be pissed at foot prints. time to look ahead instead.

and it all finally starts to make sense.

Where we go at night

2009-02-06T13:25:00.006+08:00

Mood : troubled
Music : If You Do, If You Don't by Cartel

i've been having this same dream about my other half which has started to really disturb me.

it's never set in the same place and around the same people. but the events that take place during the dream is mostly the same. and of course i'll wake up feeling distraught and uncertain.

i'm reluctant to think that the dreams mean anything but somehow i feel that it could just be my fears surfacing on a subconscious level. sigh... i really wonder what is the matter with me sometimes.

my worries and insecurities aside... i'm just gonna take it easy and not over-react. hopefully i'll figure out how to handle this soon.

______________________________________________________

RJA in Singapore... who was the idiot who set the date on a Tuesday?

Empty Apartment

2009-02-03T13:30:00.003+08:00

someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay...

Heartbreak

2009-02-02T11:38:00.003+08:00

Mood : lazy
Music : Hazy Eyes by Fightstar

the 2009 australian open brought us another Federer-Nadal epic which didn't disappoint. though i didn't manage to watch the full match myself, just reading the reports and reviews of the match was enough to make me sympathise with the former world no. 1's loss.

though it is becoming increasingly apparent that the reigns have been taken over by a new power, i think we all can agree that they will probably be no one as dominant as Roger Federer while he was in his prime. the elegance and his fluidity of his play is simply a joy to watch and i can attest to this fact.

it is inevitable that everyone falls off the top eventually but to see him choke back tears at the prize giving ceremony was just a little too heartbreaking. even the champion, Rafael Nadal could feel his pain and offered him a hug which i'm sure was appreciated by the millions watching all around the world.

______________________________________________________

if you want to i can save you
i can take you away from here
so lonely inside, so busy out there
and all you wanted was somebody who cared

if you need me you know i'll be there...

Stepping on the leaf

2009-01-29T14:15:00.007+08:00

Mood : hopeful
Music : Let Go of Everything You Know by Hawthorne Heights

so begins the year of the ox. chinese new year hasn't always been the most exciting time of the year for me. maybe since it always comes a few weeks after we've had the gregorian new year. or maybe it's coz i just don't like the festive music...

this year isn't supposed to be good for me since i'm born in the year of the ox. some sort of chinese superstition. my aunt was the first to reveal this fact to me followed by several articles which i've seen published recently. i have an idea of what a bad year would be like. damn i hope nothing like that happens.

this new year has been pretty interesting though. definitely a good difference..

______________________________________________________

i can't believe i almost let this slip away...

you give up every chance you get
just to feel new again

Thin Ice

2009-01-23T15:04:00.002+08:00

Mood : not sure
Music : The Man Who Can't Be Moved by the Script

i'm standing at the edge of the grass...

i've been standing there for quite a while now. the wind blows as the blades of grass flutters between my toes. i've lost all sense of time now as i remain rooted to the spot where the imprint of my foot has already made itself in the soil below me.

i look once again at where my next footfall will land. though it's probably the reason i am still where i am now, i'll never admit it. i slowly lower my toes to touch the glassy surface and cringe as soon as the cold bites at me.

i quickly pull myself back up with a sigh and contemplate for the thousandth time if this is something i really want. i could rationalize all i want, weigh the pros and cons all day and i'd still end up where i'm standing right this instant. i've never heeded the warnings before.

i sneak a glance at the crooked sign a few feet away from me. the words were painted in red to show urgency... the danger is real and if you're not careful you'll end up trapped underneath. banging your hands at the underside, hoping and willing yourself to break through.

enough thinking... more doing. i lower my feet once again and this time let my entire foot touch the bottom. i take a deep breath and close my eyes...

you could end it all

2009-01-19T09:52:00.002+08:00

Mood : tired-eyed
Music : Paint Your Target by Fightstar

i woke up this morning and decided to delete the post i wrote last night.

didn't make sense to me to write something like that and hope it'd help anything. personal problems that i'm experiencing should be dealt with and not avoided, right?

doesn't change the fact that i couldn't bring myself to crack a smile so far this morning.

disconnected

2009-01-13T22:14:00.002+08:00

years of screaming and nodding my head to the sound.

i've gotta bad feeling about this
i've gotta bad feeling about this
i'm coming over but it never was enough
i've thought it through and my worse brings out the best in you...

______________________________________________________

a close friend absolutely stunned me the other day by proving to me that she (almost) knew me better than i knew myself.

could this possibly mean that i may not know what's best for myself?

Be My Escape

2009-01-09T15:43:00.006+08:00

a little scribble my other half made to brighten up my very mundane day at work. i hope she doesn't mind me posting it up on my blog for the world to see. i found it hilarious that she drew it inside the cop majikan rasmi (official employer stamp) box.

______________________________________________________

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go,
I promise I’m going because

I've gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I've gotta get outta here
And I’m begging you, I’m begging you,
I’m begging you to be my escape...

Weekend heroes

2009-01-05T11:38:00.008+08:00

Mood : upbeat
Music : Big Time Sensuality by the Starting Line

FA cup fixtures over the weekend brought us several shockers. don't you just love the FA cup? here are some pictures of the big winners from the weekend.

Nottingham Forest dumped the might (and cash) of Manchester City out of the competition with an emphatic 3-0 blowout. anybody smell trouble for Mark Hughes yet?

another one of the minnows who managed to dump out a premier league side. Hartlepool sent Stoke City crashing out to advance to the fourth round of the FA cup.

and finally, league 1 club Southend United managed to hold Chelsea to a 1-1 draw at Stamford Bridge to secure a replay at Roots Hall.

you're never too small to kick ass...

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wouldn't it just suck if you were almost good at everything?

isn't it a wonder?

2009-01-01T17:39:00.002+08:00

Mood : happy
Music : Live Forever in a Day by Ten Falls Forth

a new year is here and though 2008 has had its share of downs it certainly ended on a high.

i've already decided that there are changes to be made this year. not resolutions, but changes that i hope will keep me that little bit more satisfied with my so-called life.

i know now is the time most people use to reflect on the past year and possibly count their blessings or try to learn from mistakes made. haven't done anything of the sort just yet... i'm too busy enjoying the moment.

i can safely say that i haven't felt this good for the longest time...

'gonna tear down the WALL'

blinking didn't help

2008-12-29T00:59:00.005+08:00

as i lay there confused and dazed, it slowly started to sink in that it wasn't real.

everything that happened. everything that was said. just part of the dream that i had awakened from.

still i almost didn't want to believe it was all in my head.

lying there, i couldn't stop thinking about it.

it didn't happen. it never is gonna happen. snap out of it.

Sound straight from the twilight
Has me up all night

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this is so sick sick SICK

Facelift?

2008-12-24T15:56:00.002+08:00

Mood : bored
Music : Memory by Sugarcult

after years and years of using the default Blogger template, i've finally given my blog a face lift! though it isn't the most impressive upgrade, it is at least a start.

as you can probably tell, i have way too much free time. and though this isn't necessarily a bad thing it definitely isn't ideal for someone like me (i get restless y'all!).

so that was my christmas present to my blog... doubt if i'll be getting one in return.

merry christmas everyone!

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and all the roads we have to walk are winding
and all the lights that light the way are blinding
there are many things that i would like to say to you
but i don't know how

so i said maybe
you're gonna be the one who saves me
and after all
you're my wonderwall...

T'was 3 days before christmas

2008-12-22T13:02:00.002+08:00

Mood : confused
Music : Echoes by Set Your Goals

like i told my boss earlier today... it's a bad week to be working.

my office's already low population has dwindled further with several of my co-workers taking leave from work for the holiday season. this leaves the rest of us wondering what the heck are we doing here anyway.

traveling quite a bit in the next few weeks. Penang first on boxing day and then Singapore on new years day. which reminds me... i need to go buy the bus tickets before they sell out (i'd fly to Singapore but my financial situation isn't permitting).

this should be an interesting week. even more now since i received that call on thursday. we'll just have to see. i find that sometimes things just don't materialize the way i hope whenever i go to Penang.

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cause you're hot then you're cold
you're yes then you're no
you're in then you're out
you're up then you're down

i don't even know how to put it into words

Who's in your fave 5?

2008-12-18T11:37:00.005+08:00

Mood : bored
Music : Umbrella by All Time Low

i meant to blog about this T-Mobile promo campaign earlier but it kinda slipped my mind. though we have very similar value added services here in Malaysia, i think i can safely say that none of our telco's advertising come anywhere near as good as these.

this is actually one of the later episodes... watch the rest of them here.

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i guess we knew it all along...

if you haven't already heard, read the story here.

It's still hard

2008-12-16T16:13:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday grandma...

i miss you so terribly much...

Some days

2008-12-15T16:33:00.002+08:00

Mood : pumped
Music : Addicted by Saving Abel

monday afternoon...

my 4 day weekend sure went by fast. an eventful weekend it was at least. how i'm already longing for the next.

to say that i'm feeling lazy now is a definite understatement. the big burger i had at lunch isn't helping the slightest bit.

i hope i manage to sleep soundly tonight...

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what the HECK has happened to my few favourite bands? so far, most of the pre-album release tracks i've listened to from FOB and the RJA have been pretty disappointing.

i NEED a new headbanging anthem!

Yellow

2008-12-10T01:07:00.003+08:00

Mood : getting there
Music : Little Devotional by Taking Back Sunday

there's this paper bag that sat in the back of my car. i used it to hold something for me a while back and after the contents were passed on i just didn't come around to throwing it out.

the circumstances of how it got into my car in the first place is a whole story on its own. suffice to say that i had not meant for it to end up forgotten in the back seat of my car for several months. a few of my passengers even quizzing me on its origin.

why am i rambling on about this? i finally took it away a few days ago. it'd be such a cliche if i said that removing it had some deeper symbolic meaning so i won't.

i just feel really good about things right now.

'they don't know how hard it is...'

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RELIGIOUS WANNABE FAIL!

this is a screenshot from my MSN messenger contact list. i've always wanted to make my own 'fail' thingy...

Tired eyes

2008-12-05T00:38:00.002+08:00

Mood : thankful
Music : Decode by Paramore

once again i find myself at the top of the ferris wheel. yep... though work is taking its toll i can safely say that things are going pretty well for me. and i plan to keep this momentum going and not let it wither out like we've all experienced before.

and i'm not the only one to have this fortunate turn of fate. after weeks of worrying, my sister has finally received her scholarship which entitles her to quite a fair amount of moo-lah. i'll admit it... i've been wanting to use that word for a long time now.

so suddenly my sister is much wealthier than i am. though i've been working for over a year now. how wonderful life is... which reminds me, my car needs servicing. i wonder how much the damage will be this time.

i've just been skipping along this whole week...

'how did we get here?'

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once again Hayley is just stunning with her red hair in the video. but all the parts which just focus on her face with the wind blowing her hair is sorta weird. awesome song though... the music is more similar to the type they wrote in All We Know is Falling.

enjoy the vid...

and if you're interested, here's a 'conversation' between Hayley and Rob Pattinson from Twilight.

the next day

2008-11-30T23:56:00.002+08:00

Mood : hopeful
Music : Deeper Conversation by Yuna

i was awaken by a text message on my phone this morning.

after reading it i knew that i had made my decision.

fingers crossed...

'to get a grip of the facts'

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i have the stamina of a healthy 40 year old man (as if including the word 'healthy' helps dignify the statement)

What you gotta do

2008-11-24T14:28:00.002+08:00

Mood : tired
Music : Let It Roll by All Time Low

took part in another exhibition over the weekend so once again i'm on another one of my weekend-less marathons. i can't believe i worked on my mom's birthday. i'm so damn glad i bought her present early this year.

i think the event went pretty well... considering i was up late preparing slides the night before the event started. no matter how hard i try, i always end up doing some work at the 11th hour. old habits die hard eh?

i think my side project has finally ended. though it didn't really materialize in the way i'd thought it would. i just hope i get my cut at the end of the day...

the remains of my wasted youth...

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was messing around with my buddy's DSLR around lunch and tried my hand at some creative photography. i dun think he was very impressed...

Smile for the camera

2008-11-20T09:47:00.002+08:00

What if you find out
Everything that's in your life
Was only put in front of you
By people waiting for you to fall
And every time you trip up
It's all just a game
Nothing's really mattered
Nothing was as bad as you thought it was

Put on a show for the viewers back home
Hide the truth so they'll never know
You hate what you got
Can't you love what you got?
So smile for the cameras that keep rolling

Love what you got, can't you love what you got?

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i find it almost hysterical that both of the leads i had came up fruitless. at least it saves me the trouble of having to pick one.

oh-bla-di oh-bla-da?

On the way back

2008-11-17T17:03:00.002+08:00

eyes closed...

teeth clenched...

head bobbing...

feet tapping...

heart pounding...

i think it's about time i start walking down a different path.

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I'm so sick, infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so sick

Keep it low

2008-11-14T10:00:00.004+08:00

Mood : ready
Music : You Make It Real by James Morrison

i'm waiting at Starbucks for my bus to Penang. it's the company's annual dinner tonight. my first ever corporate social event. well... first one that sorta mattered to me anyway.

i've realized lately that people shouldn't try to give what they don't have in the first place. sooner or later i have to understand that i have to allow others to bend my way every once in a while. sounds selfish doesn't it?

i never know what to expect when i make a trip to Penang. talk about your regular unadulterated 'fun'.

take a seat
we're settling the final score...

Bear left at next junction...

2008-11-09T23:46:00.003+08:00

Mood : almost
Music : Check Yes Juliet By We The Kings

my week ended eventfully enough. it had everything from me crapping my guts out to my boss handing me a raise. though he definitely could've done it in a more dignified manner.

even America has elected their new president. i wouldn't say i'm pro-Obama but i'm definitely more of a democrat than a republican on any given day. i get pretty annoyed when i see idiots who cheer on the new president-elect but barely have any idea for what he stands up for or what he believes in. i don't know why i let it get to me. it just does....

thankfully i feel much better than i did a few days ago. the dumb doc sorta prescribed me some meds which made me a little sicker than i was before i went to see her. anybody smell a lawsuit? i don't think i can afford the lawyer fees...

another week another chapter...

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i posted a video of a few athletes doing a Risky Business parody a while back. here's Heidi Klum's attempt. enjoy guys...

Never coming home

2008-11-02T22:41:00.002+08:00

Mood : lazy
Music : Broken by Lifehouse

i was in town with my sis earlier today to get some stuff since we had a little free time to burn. okay... i MAY have dragged her along. but she did get a McFlurry out of me which i'm sure was compensation enough.

we somehow got to talking about our grandma who i think we both still miss terribly. neither one of us never had anyone that close to us pass away before so we both took it a little hard. another thing we shared in common was the reality of her death didn't hit us until a few months after she had passed away.

the fact that we would never ever see her or talk to her ever again seem to escape us eventhough we were there all throughout the funeral and services. naive we are, no?

life always manages to find little ways to remind us how temporary it is. i hope you're planning to make the best out of yours. i'm certainly doing what i can...

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whether we like it or not, what happens in America over the next few days will affect the rest of us. at least we get pretty good PSAs in the process.

Here we go!

2008-10-29T17:06:00.002+08:00

Mood : psyched
Music : Sandpaper and Silk by Hawthorne Heights

the 2008/2009 NBA season kicks off today! a lot of changes were made during the off season which included the addition of a new city to the league. here are a few pictures from today's opening game between Boston and Cleveland where they had the ceremonial lifting of the championship banner into the rafters.

aren't the championship rings just sweet? i wouldn't normally wear a ring with so much bling but i'd make an exception in this case (it even has your name on it!).

here's looking forward to another amazing season...

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so much work to do... so little will to do it.

i have to admit that my laziness is getting ridiculously out of hand right now. gotta get my act together or otherwise suffer the consequences right?

and will somebody please help me figure out which string i should cut away?

'as these words play out...'

Wishing I was there

2008-10-25T22:39:00.002+08:00

Mood : lazy
Music : Stay Together for the Kids by Blink 182

a whole saturday gone without me doing the slightest bit of work.

yeap... procrastinating again i am. it doesn't help that my client seems to be doing it together with me. i can hardly believe it's already the end of the month. before i know it the deadline will be upon me and i'll be struck with last minute panic once again. isn't life grand?

parents flying off to Vietnam in a few hours. i wish i was flying off somewhere too. my friends keep trying to persuade me to make a trip back to the UK. unfortunately the number at the bottom of my bank statement isn't nearly as big as it should be for such a trip to be possible.

tomorrow should be interesting. keeping hopes low and my mind open. oh yeah... and my fingers crossed.

'but you've already lost
when you only had barely enough to hang on...'

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this video is awesome! in case you couldn't tell, this video has Alex Rodriguez (MLB) and Michael Phelps (you MUST know who he is) on guitar, Tony Hawk (pro-skateboarder) on drums and Kobe Bryant (NBA) on vocals.

Tit for Tat

2008-10-20T13:51:00.004+08:00

Mood : disappointed
Music : Hold the Door by Armor for Sleep

disappointing weekend.

no other way to put it. the potential was there... the correct people were around. the timing was great. i definitely had the time. and then nothing.

i have to stop having such expectations. especially when i'm not sure just how it's gonna play out. i know life's all about taking risks every now and then. but not on this anymore...

i have to admit that it did intrigue me for a while. so wasted time, it was not.

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this could've been staged but it's a good laugh all the same

Worst Best Man Ever @ Yahoo! Video

Peeping out from under

2008-10-15T00:10:00.000+08:00

Mood : crossroad-ed
Music : Feelin' This by Blink 182

i sometimes feel as though i'm being yanked around for fun. i was at my highest point earlier today but i haven't figured out how i'll be handling this new revelation just yet.

be careful what you wish for...

words which hold a lot more truth than i'd like to believe. i could hardly believe that it was actually happening. i was struggling with myself a little later if i should call up a buddy for a second opinion.

this has proved to me that no matter how well i think i've figured this life out... there's still something beyond the bend that i haven't seen yet.

'turn it inside out'

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Hold the door

2008-10-13T10:52:00.001+08:00

I don't wanna be
Who I was back then
I almost lost you again
I don't wanna see through the eyes of a liar
Hold the door for me...